Wednesday, November 09, 2011

One day at the auction house

CEO: Things are looking grim. If our next sale isn’t a sensation we’ll have to shed staff. So (looking around the room) knock ‘em down or don’t stick around.

Head of Print Department: Excuse me, but that doesn’t even scan. (long pause) He leaves.

CEO: Here’s the thing. I’m wanting ideas. Big ideas. Ideas that will supercharge bid battles into the stratosphere.

Head of Impressionist Art: Free drinks?

CEO: We already do that.

HoIA: I was thinking bigger glasses. Bowls even.

CEO: Yes, yes, but what I want are big IDEAS. Damien Hirst cutting his dealers off at the knees kind of big.

Head of Contemporary Art: How about going a little theatrical?

CEO: I'm listening.

HoCA: Oh, I don’t know, have someone like that British actor Terence Stamp read from Cezanne’s diaries.

CEO: Did you say Spiderman?

HoCA: “No sir, I said Stamp.

CEO: Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Spiderman. How did you even think up something like that?

HoCA: Terence…. Stamp.... 

CEO: (on the phone) Get me Foxwoods Theatre on Broadway.

Image: Spiderman star Craig Henningsen in full SM rig shills a Louise Bourgeois Spider sculpture for Christie’s in New York